Sick of your Inner Critic? Get ready to meet your new best mate…
It seems apt that in Mental Health Awareness Month I should be so aware of the piece of my mind that has been causing me the most annoyance and anguish over the last month or so. From the title, I’m sure you can guess what section of my mind I’m speaking about. Yep, I’ve been living well and truly in the reality of my inner critic which has been *unsurprisingly* EXHAUSTING! My brain has been searching for the negative, or problematic in every situation; my brain is on a Deep Space Voyage into living in the Critic. A Voyage so deep even Ziggy Stardust would be proud.
The moment I realised where I had been hanging out for a shamefully long time was yesterday morning. I shall set the scene: I was strolling along the seafront; the sun was incandescently glowing above the pier; the sky a lovely shade of forget-me-not. I could feel my whole nervous system sagging into a luscious state of comfort. Then, out of nowhere, my pesky brain says, "Yeah, nice, isn't it...BUT don't forget they're pumping shit into the sea!"
BOOM
My ability to enjoy the glory of the morning was obliterated as my brain began to spiral and I considered how angry and upset I was. With each step, my problem-solving, critical mind swirled deeper down the drain of negativity bias, whilst the softer, kinder bit of me floated to the top, observing said negativity bias and considering how sad it was that I couldn't just "enjoy the nice weather."
What's your metaphorical "shit in the sea"? I think we all have one. A thing that tips us over the edge and into a critical, problem-solving mentality when all seems well. Because that is what the Critic is partially there for - they're the Inspector Clousseau of the brain. Well-intentioned, a bit clumsy and out of place, sometimes hitting the nail on the head, sure, but making a total pig’s ear of it.
How?
The number one job of our brain is to keep us alive. In super simple terms, out of danger equals safe. Safe equals being in known territory. So our Critic or our Problem Solver, if you will, is always on the lookout for stuff that might threaten us. It is looking for danger or anything that may pose a threat in any way. When we are caught in a Problem Solving rut we see the bad in everything. We see the threat as a means to keep us out of danger's orbit, to keep us safe.
Now what?
The first step in us hushing our Problem Solver is actually befriending it (keep your enemies close and all that..). To do this, we need to observe it and study its behaviour. Notice its type of chatter, the way it speaks to us, when it begins to speak and when it gets loudest. Gather all the info that you can about it. Then we can say to the Problem Solver (with a sense of softness in our heart and maybe a smile on our mouth because we want it to be our mate, remember) "Hey there pal, I see you, I hear you, I value your feedback. One question: do you have any evidence of this info? If not, maybe stop telling me silly lies and if you do, know that you've been heard and seen and the necessary steps are being taken. So now dear, cheeky pal, you can rest that wagging jaw and be quiet so that we can get on with our day. Capiche?"
Sure, wouldn't it be idyllic to have no judgey little voice winging away at us, but we do actually need it. It does serve a purpose, we just need to keep it in check. Like the Mother-in-Law who constantly fusses over us, she's just trying to keep you safe and comfy. So approach with love and compassion. Do your best not to lash out in anger and observe whether befriending your Critical Problem Solver is more useful than angrily shouting at it to "PLEASE, GOOD GOD PLEASE SHUT THE F**K UP!"
